"Bachelor in Paradise" kicked off on Sunday night, as 16 singles headed to Mexico to try to find love (or… something).
There was drama, more drama, side eye, crying, sobbing, and an ambulance ride, so it's safe to say the season premiere did not disappoint!
Here are our top five favorite moments:
The Return Of Ashley I.: Let's be honest, so far, Kardashley Eyelashley IS "Bachelor in Paradise." We weren't all about doing math last night, so we lost count of how many times our fave "Bachelor" alum broke into tears. But it's safe to say if her crying was part of your drinking game, you've been hospitalized. She gave us so many great one-liners, but two standouts include: "It's a toss-up between Wendy's nuggets and McDonald's nuggets," and "I am the pickiest princess alive, but I have to hold out for my Aladdin."
Ashley I. crying (ABC)
The Wedding: "Paradise" alums Lacy Faddoul and Marcus Grodd tied the knot on the beach, as host Chris Harrison officiated the couple's vows. The pair's family looked less than enthused (was this a real wedding?!), and we couldn't stop staring at Marcus' glistening face. Mexico beach heat is no joke, everyone. The best part was that Lacy's face had a perfect matte finish, leading us to believe the ceremony was stopped every 15 seconds as makeup rushed in to touch up the bride. Oh, TV.
Lauren, Ashley I.'s "Slutty" Sister: Remarkably, Lauren, Kardashley Eyelashley's younger sister – who made it very clear numerous times she is *NOT* a virgin, you're welcome – beat her elder sister to the crying game. Lauren burst into uncontrollable tears in the first few minutes, sending Mikey to fetch Ashley to console her. Why was she distraught, you ask?? Because as a 24 year old, she looked around and noticed contestants who were in their 30s, and was like, "Ahhhhh I wanna go home they're so old I can't even deal ewwwwwww" (something like that).
Ashley S. Being Ashley S.: Our second fave "Bachelor" Season 19 alum, Onion Ashley Salter, arrived in typical Ashley S. style – she was completely perplexed by a bird cage and asked Chris Harrison, "Is that… a… cage?" She later befriended some island birds and ended up in an ambulance, which was never fully explained.
The Crabs: The masterful two-hour premiere closed with a montage of paradise's crab problem, leading to the easiest joke in TV history.
"Bachelor in Paradise" Season 2 returns Monday night at 8/7c on ABC.
-- Erin O'Sullivan