Eva Mendes On Losing Her Brother Just Days Before Giving Birth: It Was ‘Beyond Heartbreaking’

Eva Mendes
is processing the circle of life.

The
usually-private actress got personal in a candid interview for Latina
magazine
‘s September issue, discussing the emotional upheaval she experienced
while grieving her brother’s death just days before her second daughter was
born.

“Being totally honest, I don’t feel
like I’ve really processed that yet,” Eva
said of facing such major life events so closely together. 

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The
star’s older brother, Carlos, lost his battle with cancer on April 17 at age
53, just 12 days before Eva and longtime partner Ryan Gosling welcomed their new
baby girl, Amada Lee.

For
Eva, the combination of grief and joy was understandably devastating but also
poetic. And luckily, she didn’t have to go through it alone.

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“Losing my brother brought our
family closer, and we were already close to begin with. So to just see
everybody be there for one another and show up, I feel so lucky to have
them,” the 42-year-old told the mag, explaining how her loved ones rallied
together amidst their collective mourning to celebrate Amada’s arrival.

“And then they were there for me
when Amada was born. We had a funeral service for [Carlos] and that same
week I had the baby. So it was really, really intense and obviously beyond
heartbreaking, but also kind of beautiful,” she said.

Eva went on to reveal how she and Ryan decided
to honor another beloved family member through both of their daughters.

“My grandmother’s name is Amada,
and Esmeralda Amada is the name of our oldest. We had a few names picked out
for our new baby, and when she was born, we didn’t feel like those names were
her. We came up with a few more, even that morning, and tried them out. We were
like, ‘What about Viviana?’ But we just kept going back to Amada,” she
explained. 

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Eva said she told Ryan that reusing
names was “common in Latin culture,” but that the tradition carried
extra special meaning after such a profound loss.

“And it was an emotional time
with the passing of my brother,” she continued. “We thought how
beautiful to go with what made us emotional and with what felt like her. When
we looked at her, we thought, ‘Aww, Amadita.'”

While Eva is set to appear in the
anticipated sequel “Fast 8,” she’s been taking fewer roles overall
since entering motherhood. She said the decision wasn’t necessarily a conscious
one, but instead something that developed naturally as she and Ryan expanded
their family. 

“I don’t like saying ‘take me
away,’ but essentially that’s what work does. I think it can be very, very
healthy if it’s something that feels worthwhile. Right now I feel very
fortunate to be home with my kids. I feel so lucky, and I’m just taking
advantage of that,” Eva said.

“Right now it’s really about
surviving those nights and trying to enjoy this time as much as possible with
them, and start the bond between Esmeralda and
Amada,” she added.

Like many parents, Eva said her
perspective has been forever changed since having kids, and she’s now
instinctively thinking of how her decisions affect a future beyond her own.

“I think like such a mom now –
big picture – as far as what I’m putting out there, not only for my children
but for other children.”

Despite the overwhelming transition,
Eva said it’s all been more than worth it.

“It’s a really, really special
time,” she said of raising her girls. “I’m loving it.”

Catch Eva’s
full interview when Latina’s September issue hits newsstands on Aug. 9. 

— Erin Biglow

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