Glam Slam: Bathing Suit Blues!

I posted this photo of myself on Facebook as I enjoyed some Mother’s Day relaxation in Santa Barbara. Someone wrote to me – What? No photo of the bump? Ummmm… No.

I had my first experience trying to buy a maternity bathing suit for this trip. Swimsuit shopping isn’t the most fun thing for me anyway. I am very pale and get burnt in the sun, so I have every sunblock you can imagine, but I’ve never been one of those people with a wardrobe of swimsuits. In fact, I haven’t bought a bathing suit since 2007. Not kidding.

So you can imagine how traumatic this was for me. Cue the theme from “Psycho”… Just kidding.

I will never be one of those pregnant bump-tastic supermodels with the still-killer bodies frolicking on a beach in an itsy, bitsy bikini… No baby bump bikini for me, thank you very much.

And as I will only be wearing the suit for the next couple of months, I did NOT want to spend much money on it, so I headed to Target.

I tried on some tankinis thinking it might be the easiest way to get something that fits. First, I tried the regular-bathing-suit-in-a-size-larger route. No go. Not cut for a big belly.

I gave in and headed to the maternity section. I tried on some tankinis and they fit, of course. I just wish they had the suit I liked in plain black, but they didn’t and I needed it for the weekend, so I gave in and went with a print. I am now the proud owner of a suit that actually fits and is even comfortable, which is key. Giselle Bunchen has nothing to worry about, but whatever!

— Ryan Patterson