Glam Slam: Whiter Shade Of Pale

There’s the classic sixties song, “A Whiter Shade Of Pale” and then there’s me… the Whitest Shade of Pale.

And while the pale look may work on the big screen, (especially in a period movie starring a British beauty like Keira Knightley or Kate Winslet) it’s not the desirable look for TV at all. In other words, what is “porcelain” in a movie is considered “pasty” on TV.

Being tan symbolizes glamorous Hollywood and that whole healthy, sunny Southern California vibe. Talk show hosts, morning show anchors, game show hosts, TV judges, entertainment show hosts… even local newscasters… the majority of folks on TV are toned and tan… very tan. Especially my boss Rob Silverstein, who is very, very, very tan.

Maybe you’ve seen the “Get It Or Shred It” segments on Access Hollywood that Rob and I tape together every week. Billy Bush jokingly referred to Rob and I as “Ebony and Ivory.” He’s not far off. The difference between us is laughable.

Since we started doing these segments, I think we’ve had to hire an extra stage guy for the new lighting challenges that Rob and I present. We’ve probably also had to start ordering larger quantities of makeup since I started appearing on camera. You would not believe how much makeup I have on… and yet, under those super strong lights, I am still extremely pale standing next to our own resident George Hamilton.

Now if I was around in Marie Antoinette’s time… my pale skin would not only be embraced, it would be coveted. Damn that Coco Chanel for making tans popular!

Pale may not be cool on TV, but I can’t fight nature. I’m a tanning bed and spray tan virgin and I plan to stay that way. I think it’s better to have a peaches and cream complexion than end up looking like an orange. (Or worse, an oompa loompa!)

Besides, maybe they need some extras to play vampires in the next ‘Twilight’ movie? Hey! I’m your (pale) girl!