ROLL CALL: Jon Hamm Wants You To ‘Lay Off’ His Junk

Your Daily Dispatch of Celebrity Shenanigans

Jon Hamm Addresses The Elephant In The… Room: Jon Hamm would like everyone to stop talking about his nether regions. After a report surfaced claiming his manhood had become a distraction on the set of “Mad Men” due the show’s tight ‘60s-era trousers, the actor is speaking out about the matter to Rolling Stone. “Most of it’s tongue-in-cheek, but it is a little rude,” he told the mag. “They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason… I’m wearing pants, for f***‘s sake. Lay off.” The actor admitted that his life in the spotlight (and online shenanigans regarding his crotch) are not the worst thing in the world to deal with. “I mean, it’s not like I’m a f***king lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world,” he said. “But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my c***, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal.” But is there a silver lining to having your goods talked about so much? “But whatever, I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite,” he added.

PHOTOS: Hot Shots Of ‘Mad Men’ Star Jon Hamm

Billion Dollar Material Madge?: Madonna already has more money than we can fathom, but according to a new report from Women’s Wear Daily (via The New York Post’s Page Six), the pop queen is now part of the billion-dollar club! She reportedly made an astounding $305,158,363 off her “MDNA” tour last year, plus $75 million from merchandise and another $10 million from TV and DVD sales from the tour. This haul was on top of her reported $700 million worth. And now, the mag reports that lucrative investing in Vita Coco and the gym chain Hard Candy – plus dough from her perfume, a deal with Smirnoff, her Material Girl clothing line and an upcoming lingerie line at Macy’s has launched her in to the billion category. Mazel to Madonna!

And On The Other End Of The Celebrity Spectrum: America’s favorite teen bride (and Roll Call darling) Courtney Stodden is now available for your walls, ceilings… and dart boards. The 18-year-old wife of actor Dough Hutchison,52, has teamed up with TheBlownUp.com, where you can order life-sized Courtney images. “I think the pictures turned out really hot,” she told E! News. “I did them because I wanted to be life-size on your walls.” And walls across America just let out a collective, “Noooooooo!”

“Literally” The Coolest Thing Rob Lowe Has Ever Done!: “Parks and Rec” star Rob Lowe is flying high – (Chris Traeger voice) “literally!” See the actor going for a ride on a water jet pack! How was your Tuesday? Because ours was not even close to being this cool!

— Jesse Spero