‘Two And A Half Men’ Boss Responds To Charlie Sheen’s Media Blitz

Charlie Sheen gave a slew of interviews on Monday – including one to Access Hollywood – and his “Two And A Half Men” showrunner boss, Chuck Lorre, has responded in one of his signature op-ed vanity cards that appear at the end of each episode of his hit shows.

After Monday’s episode of “Mike & Molly” on CBS Lorre vaguely addressed the latest Sheen situation.

“I understand that I’m under a lot of pressure to respond to certain statements made about me recently. The following are my uncensored thoughts. I hope this will put an end to any further speculation,” the card, entitled “Chuck Lorre Productions, #334,” read.

“I believe that consciousness creates the illusion of individuation, the false feeling of being separate. In other words, I am aware, ergo I am alone. I further believe that this existential misunderstanding is the prime motivating force for the neurotic compulsion to blot out consciousness. This explains the paradox of our culture, which celebrates the ego while simultaneously promoting its evisceration with drugs and alcohol. It also clarifies our deep-seated fear of monolithic, one-minded systems like communism, religious fundamentalism, zombies and invaders from Mars,” the message on the card continued. “Each one is a dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence from which consciousness must, by nature, flee. The Fall from Grace is, in fact, a Sprint from Grace. Or perhaps more accurately, ‘Screw Grace, I am so outta here!’”

Adding, “Questions?”

On Monday, Sheen spoke to Access’ Billy Bush in a 90-minute candid sit down interview at the actor’s home during which he spoke about the possibility of John Stamos taking over his role, introduced his “goddesses,” showed off his new tattoo, explained what’s getting him high now that he is clean and sober, and pontificated upon how he thinks he and Chuck Lorre could put the past behind them and get back to work.

Tune into Access Hollywood Live on Tuesday morning and Access Hollywood Tuesday night to watch Billy’s new interview with Sheen.