The 'Birds & Bees' For A New Generation
The 'Birds & Bees' For A New Generation
Is it ever too early to have “the talk” with your children? Doctors Bill and Ginger Bercaw chat with Billy Bush and Kit Hoover on Access Hollywood Live about a new approach to the old “birds and bees” talk. What should today’s parents be doing differently than previous generations? The Bercaws’ book, “From the Living Room to the Bedroom: the Modern Couple’s Guide to Sexual Abundance and Lasting Intimacy,” is available now.
All right. Parents, you may want your young children to go to another room as we move onto our next topic. How old should the kids be to leave the room? What's the dividing line to listen to what we're about to talk about? I think for sure if they haven't already had any conversations with their children, definitely they should leave the room. The parents want to feel comfortable and equipped and not surprised about what they're hearing. All right. So let's get to -- They're married and their doctors. Authors of, "From the living room to the bedroom, the modern couples guy to sexual abundance ING intimacy". My oldest daughter is 11. I've said nothing. We want to look at the old versus the new. The old way was, mom or dad would gear up for the talk. They'd be thinking, I've got one shot at this. I have to get everything in from sexual anatomy. My dad was sweating and it was an uncomfortable moment. Or a pamphlet. That's too much pressure. What we're doing is rethinking the talk into an on going dialogue from one developmental stage to the next. Okay. So at what age should we start the dialogue and what should it involve? Right. That's a great question. People are really surprised when we share with them how early they can start laying the foundation for healthy sexuality. It can start right from the beginning using correct terms for all the body parts. You haven't messed it up. And then around age 2, when children start having language development, you can start introducing concepts like good touch versus bad touch, private versus nonprivate parts of the body. From the beginning, you are trying to instill a healthy sense of ownership for their bodies and appreciation for others. What about the actual sex talk? They do it in 5th grade in California. How do I initiate it? If they don't come to you, and sometimes children don't, it is important to go to them. So you always want to start first by finding out what they already know. And you can do that just kind of organically. But even before you start talking about sex, you want to educate them about puberty, right? That needs to come first so they know about all the body changes, wet dreams, you want to help them to know what to expect in their body so when you do talk about sex it's a natural continuum. If I try to go with any of those, my daughter shuts down. Do you get embarrassed too? It's probably just feeding off of the energy that we're putting out. We need to be comfortable. You said become the askble parent. The ask able parent is really a trusted ally to the child. So you're going to be seeing your child's question through their developmental lens. You're not taking it through your own adult lens which would be much more advanced when we answer questions. You are the askable parent. It's not judge mental. Also need to be calm and matter of fact. Kids will pick up on our emotions. If we're uncomfortable, they will instill that as well. We want them to be comfortable right from the beginning. You have to bring your game face. I just got nervous. For the book, you guys stick around, it's available right Back with doctor bill and engine Der. At what age should there -- the kids no longer see the parents naked? It's going to vary a little bit. There's cultural considerations. Each parent's individual comfort level. As a general guideline, probably around 5, 6 years old, especially looking at opposite gender combinations. Fathers-daughters, mothers and sons. What do the kids do, the time they shouldn't be walking around naked? If you think they shouldn't be and they are, you don't want to shame them for it. Reinforce again, this is private. This part of your body's private and we're out in public. This is a time now to cover up. Ginger, I need the other half of the hybrid.