Tony's Take: Thoughts On Janet (July 25, 2006)

JANET JACKSON.

FOR MOST PEOPLE, THOSE TWO WORDS CONJURE UP A TON OF IMAGES?MOSTLY OF A WOMAN WHO IS DOMINANT, IN CONTROL OF HER MUSIC AND NOT SHY ABOUT GETTING WHAT SHE WANTS OUT OF HER CAREER.?OH, AND VERY SEXY?.LEST I FORGET WHAT ALSO HELPS SELL MILLIONS OF DISCS.

HOWEVER, WHEN I SEE THE NAME, JANET JACKSON, I THINK OF A VERY SHY?I MEAN — INCREDIBLY SHY-- WOMAN WHO IS JUST A BIG KID WITH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR.

FOR EXAMPLE?. WE?VE TALKED ABOUT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES (I MAKE THE WORLD?S GREATEST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES — YES, FROM SCRATCH!), RACING MINI CARS, GETTING PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING (AND BEING LET GO! JANET, NOT ME..I ALWAYS GET WRITTEN UP) AND TRYING TO DATE IN OUR 20?S.

NO, NOT US DATING EACH OTHER (GOOD GOD! SHE WOULD?VE RUN FOR THE HILLS), BUT HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER TO DATE WHEN SHE WAS IN HER 20?S.

I WAS STUNNED TO FIND OUT SHE DIDN?T DATE.JANET JACKSON DIDN?T DATE??

THAT?S LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN BEING CUT FROM HIS HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM. RIGHT. GOOD ONE.

OH WAIT, HE DID GET CUT.

NOW, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE THAT JANET DIDN?T DATE.

SHE?S VERY SHY AND A HUGE STAR-A LETHAL COMBINATION.FELLAS, SHE?S NOT GOING TO BE AT STARBUCKS, LATTE IN HAND LOOKING FOR LOVE. ALSO?MOST GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO GO UP TO JANET JACKSON AND ASK HER OUT?SO THE POOL OF POTENTIAL GUYS IS SEVERLY DIMINISHED.

IF YOU WOULD HAVE --WELL, PAL, YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE. YOU SEE, THIS ISN?T ?YOU, ME AND DUPREE.? IT?S JANET AND DUPRI -AS IN JERMAINE DUPRI WHO EVIDENTLY PRODUCES ENOUGH OF WHAT JANET LOVES TO MAKE HER HAPPIER THAN SHE?S EVER BEEN.

THE ONLY CHANCE YOU GUYS HAVE OF GETTING CLOSE TO JANET NOW IS IF YOU ARE A POLICE OFFICER. THE WOMAN HAS A SERIOUS LEAD FOOT.

AND YOU KNOW IF YOU DO PULL HER OVER, YOU?RE GOING TO HAVE TO LET HER GO ANYWAY.

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