Why did Britney Spears three-year-old son make Conan O’Brien laugh? What happened in England when Madonna’s divorce was finalized? And why you should never change your Facebook relationship status until both parties agree. The Dish has all the answers in her weekly TV Quotes segment.
(We’re publishing late this week due to the Thanksgiving Holiday weekend! But it’s never too late to look back and laugh!)
#10 – “Oh man! Did you switch your status before she did? Speaking as an expert way to look needy.”
-- CBS’s “Big Bang Theory”
Howard Wolowitz to Leonard Hofstadter after Penny notices Leonard’s Facebook status has been updated to “in a relationship” despite that fact that he has only been dating his new girl Stephanie for two weeks.
#9 -- “Oh and as far as your sleeping arrangements go. Well, you don’t have to go home but you have got to get the hell up out of here.”
-- USA’s “Psych”
Gus’s dad to Shawn Spencer at Christmas dinner (where he had been invited to spend the evening with the family) after he finds out Shawn has been secretly fooling around with his daughter behind the family (and his best friends) back.
#8 -- “There is only one explanation. Your mom killed your dad.”
-- CBS’s “The New Adventures Of Old Christine”
Barb to Christine and her brother Matthew about the fact that their dad has been missing while they are home for Thanksgiving, while their mom (guest star Brenda Blethyn) keeps making up odd excuses for where he is.
#7 — “Poop? I need a poop transplant?”
-- ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy”
A hypochondriac patient to Dr. Karev after she discovers she needs a “fecal transplant” to infuse healthy bacteria into her body.
#6 — “If you bang it, ding it, dent it or even change the ass print in the seat just keep driving ‘til you get to Mexico then bury yourself in the desert.”
— CBS’ “Two And A Half Men”
Charlie Harper to his brother Alan about letting him drive his Mercedes.
#5-- “I have the worst taste in men.”
-- HBO’s “True Blood”
Arlene Fowler to Sookie Stackhouse after she learns her fiancé Rene is the serial murderer the town has been looking for all season.
#4-- “When you leave take the seat cushion with you. That’s trash now.”
-- CBS’s “How I Met Your Mother”
Ted Mosby to roommate Robin’s creepy date, Mitch, who he finds sitting naked on their couch trying to get away with “The Naked Man” maneuver.
#3 – “You already broke my heart is it necessary for you to shoot it as well?”
-- NBC’s “Chuck”
Chuck to his gun-wielding ex-girlfriend Jill (guest star Jordana Brewster) who he has re-connected with and then learns she is a spy for FULCRUM.
#2-- “Britney Spears is reportedly angry at her ex-husband Kevin Federline. She’s saying that because of him their 3-year-old son says, ‘Stupid’ and ‘the F-word.’ Apparently, the 3-year-old keeps saying, ‘My father is that stupid, f-ing Kevin Federline.’”
-- NBC’s “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”
Conan O’Brien from his nightly monologue
#1 -- “This week a British court released a cougar back into the wild.”
- NBC’s “Saturday Night Live”
Seth Meyers on Weekend Update with news about Madonna’s divorce being finalized from Guy Ritchie.