FROM THE NEWS DESK: A Real Brady Bunch?

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF RUMOR: This one about the Patriots? QB Tom Brady and his… uh… completion percentage. First Bridget Moynahan let it be known that he’s the father of the baby she’s expecting. And this came shortly after they broke up. Then this week a fresh rumor, that Brady and his new flame, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, was also expecting. The rumor bounced back and forth across the World Wide Web long enough to put Gisele’s Google rating through the roof. Then she put out that fire. Gisele (the ex-girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio don’t forget) and her sister and father went on some Brazilian Web sites to protest the silliness of it all. The real tragedy is that Leno and Letterman were both dark this week and missed out on a great monologue opportunity.

CAUSE OF DEATH: We’re still at least a week away from the Autopsy/Toxicology results that could answer the question: what killed Anna Nicole? Calls to the FBI and the DEA over the past several days yielded non-answers and non-comments. The ever-cryptic Seminole Police Department (they’re in charge of the probe) say the delay in the release of the results has been caused by the gathering of information and that we shouldn’t read anything special into that. They also say this probe is not criminal, not now anyway. The Bahamian Police acknowledged to Access Hollywood that chief Charlie Tiger from Seminole PD had been there but they say there has been no contact with our Federal authorities. But drug experts in the islands tell us that Methadone, which had been prescribed for Anna Nicole, is illegal in the islands because it is an addictive medication. And they say bringing it into the islands constitutes trafficking in illicit drugs.

CHAIN OF EVIDENCE: We watch a lot of those “procedural” shows on TV like “CSI.” So we’re intrigued that the so-called chain of evidence in this case now extends from Florida to South Carolina. Ford Shelly, the son-in-law of G. Ben Thompson, who owns Anna Nicole’s Bahamas house, gave a laptop computer and other items (now being referred to as evidence) to the Horry County (S.C.) authorities and they’ve agreed to turn it over the the Seminole cops. The Associated Press reports the prosecutor there says it could have “potential relevance” to the Anna Nicole investigation. What this means is hard to tell but we do know from talking to him that Ford Shelly does not like Howard K. Stern.

REAL SPRINGFIELD?: 20th Century Fox is looking for the real Springfield to host the premiere screening of “The Simpsons” movie when it comes out this July. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie and the rest of “The Simpsons” cast live in a fictitious town Springfield. There are 16 Springfields around the United States and each has the chance to submit a short film about their community and how “The Simpsons” would fit in. Springfield, Oregon might have the inside track since one of the creators, Matt Groenig, is from Oregon.

BANNED?: Imagine; an army of bookish women in glasses with sweaters over their shoulders, all up in arms! It’s the Librarians! And they are worse than angry, they are perplexed! Seems that February came and went but the Sports Illustrated annual swimsuit issue did not turn up in the mail. And they had paid for the subscription! Librarians say they weren’t told about this and want to know why. Well, it seems that the people at SI were bowing to Politically Correct pressure from another librarian lobby. This group believes (as many do) that the Swimsuit Issue isn’t about Sports, it’s about Skin. So SI decided to send libraries nice issues about the Super Bowl and the NBA and the ones about hockey and March Madness and skip the one with non-athlete Beyonce Knowles in a two-piece on the cover. Meanwhile thousands, nay, Millions of teenage boys who have been waiting all winter have been seen stumbling around the stacks looking for The Magazine.

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