Nicole Scherzinger has admitted she struggled with an eating disorder while she was in the Pussycat Dolls.
In a new interview for VH1’s “Behind the Music,” the former U.S. “X Factor” judge opened up about her fight with bulimia, which lasted for eight years.
“I did it every day for, like, years,” Nicole said, per MTV.com. “Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I’d try to hide those. I think the girls could tell.
The singer said she went through a time where she was brutal on herself as she struggled with the disease.
“I just hated myself,” she added, noting all this happened while she was in the Pussycat Dolls. “I hated myself. I really was so disgusted with myself and so embarrassed. I felt so alone. I was in a group, and I never felt so alone in my life.”
Nicole said she never opened up about having bulimia because she didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“It’s embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know. I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction,” she said. “It’s like when I got offstage, I was on this high, and I’d come back to my room and I’d be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction.”
Nicole is currently serving as a judge on the UK edition of “The X Factor.” She is coaching the male singers this season on the show.
Her episode of “Behind The Music” airs Sunday at 9 /8c on VH1.