Paula Abdul Opens Up About Stalker’s Suicide

In a new interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush, Paula Abdul says she is still deeply affected by the death of Paula Goodspeed, the former “American Idol” contestant who committed suicide near Abdul’s home in November. And now, the “Idol” judge claims that it was not the first time the troubled woman had attempted to take her own life near Paula’s home.

Paula’s Sherman Oaks home is currently listed for sale, and Paula says she was glad not to be at home the day the heartbreaking event occurred.

“It was a very tragic, unfortunate, [and] sad,” Paula told Billy “I was very blessed and lucky to have been at [work at ‘Idol’s’] Hollywood Week when it happened.”

According to Paula, this was not the first time Goodspeed had come to Paula’s house to attempt to end her life.

“You know, [she] had attempted to do that a few months prior,” Paula continued. “I happened to be in New York when I heard about it.”

Goodspeed auditioned for “Idol” in February 2006, dressed in pink, and with a mouth full of braces, she proclaimed, “You have to have a certain personality to pull my look off.”

“I really like Paula Abdul a lot,” Goodspeed said on the show. “She’s really cool. I’m like, a really big fan. And I made life-sized drawings of Paula. I’ve been drawing ever since I was a little kid and my first drawing was of Paula Abdul.”

Goodspeed’s 2006 audition was not Paula’s first encounter with the stalker.

“When I heard from [‘Idol’ creator] Nigel [Lythgoe], ‘Wait ‘til you see this next girl! Oh my god she changed her name for you,’ and I saw her name, I got really nervous.” Paula said of Goodspeed. “She had been a stalker from [awhile back.] And the thing is, that all she could do was get a hold of me through my fan club.”

Paula said the tragic event in November has made her home vulnerable to future disturbed fans.

“Now, there’s access to follow me home and I [had] a really scary situation and it’s time for me to move. It’s not like I’m moving just because of this,” Paula explained. “My address was announced and [it was shown] how you could get into my house.”

Looking back, Paula said she wished Goodspeed’s appearance on the show had gone better, especially with her fellow judge Simon Cowell.

“Simon is critical to the show in representing how hard it is to make it in the business, but there is a fine line with constructive criticism, and that’s what we always battle about,” Paula said. “Because the truth of the matter is we brought them there. We invited them there and then they show up at our house for a cocktail party and Simon goes, ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ But the thing is, their talent does not warrant, ‘you suck,’ because these are talented kids.”

Billy asked Paula if she felt any guilt surrounding Goodspeed’s death.

“I didn’t do anything,” she said of the suspected suicide. “I went through a very rough time of feeling like she wanted my attention so much… I shed a lot of tears. It was tumultuous, for me.”

Paula said her life has dramatically changed since the tragic event in November.

”[I’m] living with security full time now, it’s just different. It’s a different thing,” she added.

As previously reported by, Goodspeed was found dead shortly after 6 PM on November 11, after the Los Angeles Police Department received a tip from a neighboring agency.

Her parents, who reported her missing the same day, had previously told sheriffs that they thought she would be at Abdul’s house.

Watch Access Hollywood Monday and Tuesday nights for more of Paula’s interview, and check back here soon to read about Paula’s relationship with new “Idol” judge Kara DioGuardi.

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