ROLL CALL: Britney The Dance Teacher & Nicolas Cage Accused Of Chihuahua-Napping

Your Daily Dispatch of Celebrity Shenaningans
by Jesse Spero

Britney The Dance Teacher: Whether you like her moves or not, no one can argue that Brit has logged some serious time on the dance floor over the years, and it appears she’s passing her wisdom down to the younger generation. The pop star, who presently cannot see her own children, taught an hour-long dance class for six children Monday at the Millennium Dance Complex, People reports. The kids, ages 4 to 7, reportedly danced with Brit to Madonna classics, “True Blue,” “Material Girl” and “Holiday,” before having the class freestyle dance. Brit was decked out in ripped fishnets, red shorts and a blue top. Nothing says role model like ripped fishnets!

Paris Dissed By Mayer: Paris is not having a very good week. First her new film, “The Hottie And The Nottie,” tanked at the box office, and now it appears John Mayer has reportedly snubbed her.While celebrating at a post-Grammy bash at the Thompson Hotel lounge, the hotel heiress, “aggressively tried to hook up with John Mayer — following him around and dancing, trying to get him to look at her,” a source tells Page Six. “At one point, she sat at a table and tapped on the seat to motion him to sit next to her. John politely sat for less than a second before ignoring her and moving to chat with a group of friends.” I guess we know one person whose body John Mayer does not think is not a “wonderland.”

Jamie Lynn Spears & Casey Aldridge — Still Together: In younger, but apparently more successful, couple news, Brit’s younger sister, Jamie Lynn, was spotted with Casey Aldridge shopping at a mall in McComb, Mississippi on Saturday, PageSix reports. The mother-to-be ignored most questions by reporters but did say she was “pretty good.” Aww, young love, just in time for Valentines Day.

Denise Richards Goes Reality: If you can’t get enough of Denise Richards drama, just sit tight, because the actress and former wife of Charlie Sheen is headed to your television in the form of a reality show produced by Ryan Seacrest, Variety reports. The show will focus on her life as a single mother and tabloid darling. No word if Sheen will appear, but actors are known for their love of the camera’s attention.

Cougar Angers Cage Over Chihuahua: In what might be one of the more odd lawsuits of late, Nicolas Cage is suing “Peggy Sue Got Married” co-star Kathleen Turner in London’s High Court for writing in her new autobiography that the actor was arrested twice for two separate DUIs and – get this — possibly stealing a Chihuahua, Rush & Molloy of the Daily News report. “I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog,” Cage lashed out in a statement. A rep for the actor added, “If he doesn’t get an apology and a retraction, he intends to go full speed ahead with litigation in the U.S.” No word on the whereabouts of the Chihuahua, but we suggest checking.

Babs Oscar Gang: Oscar night is just around the corner, and besides gowns and long acceptance speeches, it’s also time for the Barbara Walters Oscar special. The queen of ‘The View,” has lined up teen dream Miley Cyrus, “Juno” darling Ellen Page, upcoming “Indy 4” star Harrison Ford and “Betty” vamp Vanessa Williams, People reports. The Babs special will air after the Oscars on the West Coast.