ROLL CALL: Jake Gyllenhaal Fears The Big Birds

Your Daily Dispatch of Celebrity Shenanigans

Jake Gyllenhaal Fears The Big Birds: Jake Gyllenhaal might be Hollywood’s next action hero with his upcoming Memorial Day release of “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time,” but according to People, the ab-tastic actor is afraid of ostriches. “They would say, ‘Don’t make any noise around the ostriches. They’ll tear out your eyes and rip out your heart.’ So, I was naturally terrified,” the 29-year-old star told the mag. “They look like they’re innocent, but they’re really not.” Wait, was he talking about an ostrich or an ex-girlfriend?

LiLo’s Cryptic Death Tweets: We’ve said Lindsay Lohan shouldn’t pose for photographs with guns in her mouth and that the starlet should also think twice about dropping cryptic Tweets about death. “Did Billy Joel curse us when he said, “only the GOOD die young” ??” LiLo wrote early Monday morning, followed by another Tweet complaining about having to work. “I don’t know how to feel as I’m rushing home to my mom’s house after just wrapping work nearly 3hours ago or less…. I feel sick.” Who wants to tell LiLo that most of the world works for eight hours a day or more?

The Biebs To Go Bang-less?: Cue the screams of millions of Tweens… Justin Bieber might lose his trademark bang ‘do. “I’m kinda liking the long hair right now,” he told Us Weekly over the weekend. “In the future, I may get bored and change it up but for now I like how it is.” Biebs, please give us an ample warning before you chop the coif! We’ll need to prepare ourselves for a change of this magnitude!

More “SNL” Betty!: If you’re having a Betty White “SNL” hangover , Hulu.com has the cure! More clips of the TV icon in action from sketches that didn’t make Saturday’s show are now online. See Betty in a sketch with Rachel Dratch as Debbie Dower and watch the 88-year-old on “Bronx Beat,” with Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph, HERE!