Ronda Rousey Says She Had Suicidal Thoughts After Her Upset Loss To Holly Holm

Ronda Rousey may be her own toughest opponent.

The UFC superstar and Sports Illustrated cover model showed
a vulnerable side on Tuesday’s “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” revealing
that she experienced suicidal thoughts after her upset loss to Holly Holm.

“I was sitting in the corner
like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?'” she told Ellen of
contemplating her identity following the November fight. 

http://ellentube.com/videos/0-s5am70nk/

PHOTOS: Badass & Beautiful Ronda Rousey 

“I was literally sitting
there and thinking about killing myself,” she added. “And that exact
second I’m like, ‘I’m nothing. What do I do anymore? No one gives a s*** about
me anymore without this.'”

Ronda said she overcame her
depression after realizing she had much more to live for beyond championship
titles. 

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“To be honest, I looked up
and I saw my man Travis was standing up there,” she said, referring to her
boyfriend and fellow UFC fighter Travis Browne. “I looked up at him and I
was like, ‘I need to have his babies, I need to stay alive.’ Really that was
it.”

The 29-year-old was knocked
unconscious during the infamous bout, and issued a six-month medical suspension
from fighting.

She recalled what happened after taking a nasty blow to the
jaw in the first round that affected her ability to continue the fight at full
steam.

“It’s hard to really know
what’s going on. In that first hit I cut open my whole mouth and I knocked my
teeth loose,” she said. “I could see, but I couldn’t tell how far my
hand was from my face. Or how far [Holly] was from me. … I was swinging
blindly. I knew she was out there, but like I really don’t remember most of it.” 

MORE: Ronda Rousey-Holly Holm Rematch Set

Despite
her impaired state, Ronda said she continued to give it her all.

“I was trying my best to kind
of hide the fact that I wasn’t even there anymore,” she added.

Ronda attributed her performance
to possible overexertion, telling Ellen that the face-off was her third title
fight in nine months.

“I don’t think anyone has
ever attempted that before,” she said.

“It’s always crazy going into
every fight. Always so much chaos, always things going on. Things weren’t
perfect — they never are,” she added.

The result may not have been what
she or her fans wanted, but Ronda went on to explain how the loss helped her
reassess her outlook.

“It was just destiny. It had
to go down that way,” she told Ellen.

“I do believe all the best
things come from the worst things. Every worst thing that happened in my life
resulted in the absolute best things,” she said. “And I tried to
think, ‘What is the reason [for] all this?’ and I’m thinking, like, what my
actual purpose is.” 

MORE: Ronda Rousey Talks Embarrassment After Holm Fight, Vows To Come Back

Ronda continued, revealing that
her fans could benefit from her story.

“Maybe just winning all the
time isn’t what’s best for everybody,” she said.

“Everyone has their moment of
picking themselves off the floor,” she continued. “I’d gone through
several of mine, but no one had  actually seen me go through it. … Maybe I
just had to be that example of picking myself up the floor for everyone. Maybe
that’s what I’m meant for.”

While she’s accepted the outcome,
Ronda said she’ll always think of herself as a champion.

“I really do believe I’m
still undefeated, because being defeated is a choice,” she said.
Everybody has losses in their life, but I choose to always be
undefeated.”

Her first career loss may have
given her important perspective, but Ronda said she still has her eye on the
prize.

“Of course I want to fight
Holly,” she told Ellen of her comeback plans. “I want to beat her and
make everything right again.”

— Erin Biglow

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