TaleSpin: From the Access News Desk (7/13/07)

by George Larrimore and Shelly Aguilar

HAPPY! HAPPY!: Happy Friday the 13th to all of you. A Good Friday the13th for the L.A. Herbalife-Galaxy Soccer Product. David Beckham, sporting a crisp blonde hair cut and an even crisper suit was introduced to the city today as the new Great White Hope for soccer in L.A. and in America. Becks was charming while making a gaffe and calling the game he plays “football.” AP reports he “chuckled” and said “I’ll get used to that at some point. I’m sorry.” How sweet. As we all know, however, real football is not played in shorts but in uniforms that make the players look like The Transformers. And of course real footballers sooner or later have to get both their knees blown out.

HIS STATS: Beckham is 32-years-old, plays midfield, has a 5-year $250 million deal with the Herbalife-Galaxy, should actually play on July 21st against England’s Chelsea FC team during an exhibition tourney in Los Angeles. Oh, and he sleeps with an ex-pop star in a reported $20 million dollar mansion in Beverly Hills. A Cadillac Escalade for him and a Bentley convertible for her (with VB for Victioria Beckham monogrammed on the wheel covers) were delivered to the house.

WHAT A NEIGHBORHOOD: The area where the Beckhams live in Beverly Hills has been populated at various times by the likes of Clark Gable, Ronald Reagan, Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, Fred Astaire, Charlie Chaplin and more. A real High Rent ‘Hood.

MEDIA: Was there Media Madness at the Home Depot Center during Becks’ coronation this morning? Oh, yes! 700 members of the Media Tribe were tripping over themselves to get a shot, a sound bite, a fresh angle on the story. Somebody said it was “bigger than a Tom Cruise premiere.” Don’t let the Becks’ new friend Tom hear that.

YOU LOT DON’T GET IT: Of course the British journos were there this morning to report the story for the Brits back home, and to Explain Soccer To The Savages, ie; the Americans. A word to the rest of the world: Soccer is not fast enough, not dramatic often enough. And when they consider a head butt an international incident you have to know it is just Not Violent Enough for American tastes.

IS THERE A FULL MOON OR WHAT: Madness in New York this morning as young fans were squealing so loudly journos couldn’t hear the sound of their own voices, extra security had to be called in. Our producer pronounced it a very wild few moments. So wild we could barely aim our camera at….. Rupert Grint! The Harry Potter co-star was clipping the ribbon on the first Harry Potter Shop. Note to Brits, we do get Harry Potter because it’s: Fast Moving, Dramatic and Violent.

THE BODYGUARD: Lot of rumors about Daimon Shippen, who is constantly in the company of Britney Spears (since he guards the kids), and that he “might” be her new man. Can’t attest to the true-ness of that but we did a little checking and can report that the boy is packing! He has a license to carry a gun.

WACKY PROMO OF THE DAY!: The so-called “promo” is how TV entities sell other TV on their TV. This morning (on ABC) we saw a Promo for a new “20/20” episode about Hell. Yep. Hell, an Investigative Report. Bill Weir investigates. And the set for the promo made it look like what we think Hell is supposed to look like. Except Bill didn’t have a tail and horns.

SWAG WATCH: We’re going to make this a regular segment of TaleSpin. It’s about stars who go to these big glam events to hang out with other stars and receive awards and then still get bags full of stuff that (a) they don’t need and (b) you and I can’t afford. Today’s Swag Nugget courtesy of the New York Post which reports the guests at the Eva Longoria-Tony Parker wedding received $700 bracelets from Van Cleef and Arpels, bags filled with L’Oreal products and Vitamin Water as well as Cole Haan stuff for the guys. And this on top of the happy couple reportedly flying ‘em all in and paying for their hotels. Oh well, at least they are spreading the wealth.

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