‘Two And A Half Men’ Boss Takes Shot At Charlie Sheen’s Troubles

TV executive producer/writer Chuck Lorre is known for his signature op-ed vanity cards at the end of each episode of his hit shows, including “Two and a Half Men,” “The Big Bang Theory” and “Mike & Molly.”

While the brief, personalized observations, insights and opining are usually very random in nature and fleeting in tone, Lorre used the vanity card at the end of Monday’s “Two and a Half Men” to take a jab at the show’s embattled star – Charlie Sheen.

“I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I’ve had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies,” the card, which flashes on the screen for a brief moment, said. “I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

“If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed,” the card, entitled “Chuck Lorre Productions, #329,” concluded.

Of course, it’s not the first time Lorre has used his vanity cards at the end of the top rated Monday comedy, which this week again lead the night in viewers, pulling in more than 14.53 million watchers, to take a pot shot at Sheen.

Following the January 17 episode of the hit CBS sitcom, Lorre referenced some of the show’s at-times less-than-savory plot lines.

“WARNING! Do not attempt to replicate what you saw in tonight’s episode of ‘Two and a Half Men’. Despite the seeming lack of serious consequences and regardless of the hilarity that ensued, this is extremely dangerous behavior and could result in injury or death. Please keep in mind that we employ a highly-paid Hollywood professional who has years of experience with putting his life at risk. And sadly no, I’m not talking about our stunt man,” he wrote at the time.

In November, Lorre’s vanity card made mention of Sheen’s NYC hotel romp with an alleged adult film star.

“To Do List:
Re-calibrate the line behind fiction and reality
Meditate using new mantra, “high ratings do not equate to high self-esteem”
Go to Al-Anon meeting
Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “no comment”
Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “as far as I know everything’s terrific”
Write a country song entitled, “Hooker in the Closet.” (Chorus: “There’s a hooker in the closet, ‘neath the monogrammed robes, don’t know how she got there and I can’t find my clothes. Officer Krupke, how are you tonight? I’ve misplaced my watch but I’m feeling alright.”) Donate royalties to womens’ shelter
Quit the business and teach creative writing at Cal State Bakersfield. Fresno?
Bite the hand that feeds you because you’ve had more than enough to eat
Hire a publicist to put a positive spin on this vanity card,” the card at the conclusion of the November 22 episode read.

Lorre also referenced Sheen’s problems with vanity cards following the November 11, 2010 episode and March 16, 2009 episode.

On Monday, Sheen called in to “The Dan Patrick Show” for a bizarre half-hour interview, where the actor said he was ready to get back to work following the show’s current hiatus – but cautioned CBS to put an end to the work stoppage sooner than later.

“They said, ‘Get your act together.’ And I did. Now, I don’t know, I think maybe it’s a timing thing – they didn’t think it was going to happen this fast. But check it, it’s like, I heal real quickly, but I also unravel really quickly, so get me right now guys. Get me right now!” Charlie said on the nationally syndicated radio show.