Walking The ‘Runway’: Mother Of A ‘Runway’ (August 24, 2006)

“Mother of a ‘Runway’”

After last week’s war of nerves on “Project Runway”, there was a definite sense of calm at the outset of last night’s episode. Everyone seems muted by the departure of sweet blond Alison, as though they realize if it could happen to Blondie, it could happen to them too. Jeffrey describes her departure as losing his “best friend” from the show; it seems churlish to point out that she was pretty much his ONLY friend on the show.

Back to the runway, with our ever-diminishing pool of talent. Heidi announces that the challenge involves designing for “the everyday woman”. Clearly we’re not going to see the herd of gazelles in black slips the designers typically have to work with. Instead, a heavy-set silhouette appear before the runway ramp, and the big reveal was the models: all either mothers or sisters of the designers themselves. However, being “Project Runway”, there’s a twist: the designers are not allowed to choose their own relatives to design for (although, after meeting some of the moms, I think that might have provided an even greater challenge to some!)

One by one, the designers select whom they’d like to work with; the choices were telling. Lucky Michael, winner of last week’s challenge, quickly snaps up Orange Robert’s sister, whose slender figure is the only form remotely close to the mannequin physique. Vincent selects Uli’s mutter, coincidentally a stunning blond frau named Heidi (this could get confusing). I’m already worried about the language barrier here – Vincent has enough trouble making himself understood to the English-speaking world. And alas, poor Angela’s mom. Like mother, like daughter — she’s the last one picked! To make matters worse, the designer she’s paired with is Mr Crabbypants himself, Jeffrey – who just finished mentioning in the last segment that he thought Angela should have been in the bottom three, if not actually sent home. Oops.

Then it was off to Tavern On The Green, to meet judge Michael Kors and the ‘celebrity’ judge of the week – Michael’s mom Joan Kors, who looked like a cross between Lauren Bacall and socialite C.Z. Guest. Contestant Michael wasn’t really breaking any news to point out that Kors is clearly “a mama’s boy”. The ‘model’ moms act like moms the world over, and whip out childhood photos – a sweet-faced Michael, a plus-size adolescent Kayne, a pre-punked out Jeffrey. Laura, oddly quiet in the presence of her lookalike mom, drops the bomb that she’s pregnant! Apparently, she found out since the show began taping, and hasn’t told anyone yet. Her mom Lorraine’s staggered, not altogether thrilled reaction speaks volumes. This is too sticky for even Tim Gunn to smooth over.

Back in the workroom, it’s immediately apparent who’s got the toughest challenge. Jeffrey has already transferred his resentment towards Angela onto her cute, unsuspecting mom Darlene. His porcupine manner (and I’m not referring to his hair only) causes her nerves to jangle from the get-go, not to mention the utter clash of aesthetics. She wants an ensemble in dark purple, dark green, and Jeffrey attempts to reconcile this mandate with a bolt of dark purple complemented with lighter blues, eschewing the green (a smart move in my book, since her desired color combination only looked good on Ursula the sea witch from “The Little Mermaid”).

After telling Tim Gunn that she doesn’t like the colors he picked while Jeffrey’s out of the room, things go from bad to positively glacial. Jeffrey is actually right in his position as designer – but he doesn’t seem to know how to convey his POV without being incredibly harsh and downright rude. The other designers, one by one, stop working in awe at this confrontation, which frankly doesn’t even feel like good TV. It feels like an episode of “Dr. Phil”. The other moms step in, trying to smooth things over with Darlene, as she fails to hold back her tears. At this point, it might have been helpful for someone to point out that her breakdown wasn’t helping her daughter any, who frankly needs every minute in the workroom she can get.

On the runway, the moms strut their stuff with surprising grace – despite the distinct lack of smiles on most of their faces. Vincent redeems himself with remarkable restraint, garbing Uli’s mom in a black & tan cocktail dress that was sophisticated enough to look as though it came from her actual closet (and with a pleasing color palette that brought a tall Guinness to mind). Orange Robert’s model, Vincent’s sister Patricia, fusses with her blazingly red kimono top all the way up and down the runway, drawing unnecessary attention to the outfit’s lack of design. I think he’s not really getting the point of this competition – if he’s a designer for Barbie, he must design all the “work Barbie” outfits – Barbie as flight attendant, Barbie as garbageman, Barbie as Maoist soldier. Uli, as usual, combines geometric patterns with solids in a way that makes you want to run out and buy something paisley. Once again, I think, she can’t lose this time.

Mercifully, for once the judges call Laura out on her one-note, high-waisted, mannishly-tailored, severe-line look as a woeful misfire. She doesn’t hide her disappointment well. When it comes to the judging, let us all heave a sigh of relief that the comedic talent of Michael Kors has returned in place of the wan, tepid Vera Wang. Mock-snoring at Robert’s design, Michael also derides Kayne’s choices for Michael’s mom – “She’s got energy, she’s got great skin and all of a sudden – let’s make her look older?!” — and saves his best crack for Jeffrey’s overwrought, three-outfits-in-one result for Angela’s mom Darlene: “Commes de Garcons goes to the Amish country”. Snap!

The judges reward Vincent, perhaps as much for his skillful and classy design as much for him not torturing them with another defensive speech about how his work “turns him on”. Which leaves, in a pool of white light alone on the runway, poor Orange Robert. As Heidi put it, in her unique syntax, “you’ve bored us more than once, and this time was no exception”. As amusing as Robert could be off the runway, it was an auf weidersehn whose time had truly come.

— by Joe Ricciardi

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